If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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