it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
