You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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