your parents love me but you hate me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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