i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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