If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
