shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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