my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
