I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
