My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
