She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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