everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
