absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
