Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
