speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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