Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
