ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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