I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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