I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
