today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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