How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
