...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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