what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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