I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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