No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
