I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
