the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Randomize
