i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
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One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
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I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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