alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
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i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
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And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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