He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
