We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
