Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
