Is it normal to miss your booty call?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
