My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
