I'm eating all of the evidence.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
