Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
