I want to stick my p in your. b.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My cat gives me a boner
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
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