I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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