and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
