??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
