Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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