if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
