I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
