No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Of course I have a pirate flag
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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