So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
