My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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