If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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