3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
