Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
