In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
