I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
