R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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