Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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