So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
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I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
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Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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