Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
