He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
