There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I AM VODKA MAN
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
