Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Randomize
