but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
