My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i came on her dog
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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