Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
