It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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