end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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