Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
