I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
